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. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

. Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

. Diplomacy is the art of saying “nice doggy” until you can find a rock.

. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to **** and make you feel happy to be on your way.

. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

. If you think nobody cares you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

. All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

. When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.

. Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.

. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

. There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.

. Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
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