. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up.

. Eagles may fly high in the sky, but at least weasels don’t get ****ed into jet engines.

. If lamers could fly, IRC would be an airport.

. There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different things. Men want women and women want men.

. I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

. The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.

. A woman: “But if God had wanted us to think with our wombs, why did he give us a brain?”

. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

. Me a skeptic? I hope you have proof.

. I’ll listen to logic and reason when it comes out on CD.

. How’s your wife and my kids?

. Sin - I didn’t invent it - I’m only trying to perfect it!

. I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

. Celibacy is not hereditary.

. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.

. “Push to test.” “Release to detonate.”

. My wife said I never listen to her. At least I think that’s what she said.